The Moon and the Progress Within
by valeyard
Summary: Updated! Pls RR! A conversation between Vegeta and Bulma, in which Bulma confronts both monsters that make up Vegeta. Writing this gave me the inspiration to write A Work in Progress


Tom Sawyer 

  
  


by Rush (Moving Pictures - 1985)

  
  


A modern-day warrior

Mean mean stride,

Today's Tom Sawyer

Mean mean pride.

  
  


Though his mind is not for rent,

Don't put him down as arrogant.

His reserve, a quiet defense,

Riding out the day's events.

The river

  
  


And what you say about his company

Is what you say about society.

Catch the mist, catch the myth

Catch the mystery, catch the drift.

  
  


The world is, the world is,

Love and life are deep,

Maybe as his eyes are wide.

  
  


Today's Tom Sawyer,

He gets high on you,

And the space he invades 

He gets by on you. 

  
  


No, his mind is not for rent

To any one or government.

Always hopeful, yet discontent,

He knows changes aren't permanent,

But change is.

  
  


And what you say about his company

Is what you say about society.

Catch the witness, catch the wit,

Catch the spirit, catch the spit. 

  
  


The world is, the world is,

Love and life are deep,

Maybe as his skies are wide. 

  
  


Exit the warrior,

Today's Tom Sawyer,

He gets high on you,

And the energy you trade,

He gets right on to the friction of the day

  
  
  
  


He was standing in the dark, staring out the window at the moon. His muscular body bathed in its light. Muscles bulging out of his jumpsuit, boots almost as white. He stood there, arms crossed, scowling. Wasn't it better now without his tail? At least now he could look at the moon. Never! That would require letting go of the past and Vegeta never let go of anything. It was written in every line of concentration on his face.

  
  


"You will never like living on this planet will you?" Bulma's voice surprised even her for gentleness

  
  


"Have I ever stated I hate it here?" 

  
  


Bulma smiled inwardly. The answer was typical for Vegeta. Not an answer, just a rebuff. As skilled in verbal warfare as physical warfare.

  
  


"I am not your enemy, Vegeta. You don't have to play games."

  
  


"I never play games!" 

  
  


Vegeta said this with such force Bulma inwardly shivered. How could she be married to a man whom she still feared? That was still part monster?

  
  


"Can you never forgive yourself?" 

  
  


"Forgiveness!" Vegeta spat the words in disgust. "Another weak, human frailty. I came to this world to finish what Kakarotto would not. To destroy it! To destroy Kakarotto. To become the first Super Saiya-jin in one thousand years. I, who was the perfection and hope all Saiya-jin, was nothing but a monster to you humans."

  
  


Vegeta looked at her, eyes blazing, his hair becoming gold at the edges, "I, to you humans was no better than Furiza!" Vegeta punched the wall with the naming of every monster. "No better than Cell! And you forgive me! You had no right to do that! Who are you to absolve monsters?" 

  
  


"And you despise us for that. You despise me?" Bulma wanted to cry, but knew the tears would only make Vegeta angrier.

  
  


"NO! That is not what I meant! Why do you make it so impossible to say the things I want, woman? I suppose now you are going to cry!" He shook all over with fury and growled in disgust.

  
  


Could he ever say anything that wasn't said in anger? He turned again to face the window, and Bulma knew he would shut himself off from her if she didn't keep him talking. Despite his anger, he had never been more open with her and she wasn't going to let him off the hook now.

  
  


"You're a monster in both your worlds aren't you?" 

  
  


Vegeta looked at Bulma visibly stung. Bulma was shocked. She never believed there was anything she could say that could hurt him.

  
  


"If you live happily with us, you betray the Saiya-jin, but if you honor the Saiya-jin and destroy us, you betray those who love and depend on you. Either way you feel you cannot live in honor."

  
  


Vegeta began pacing, the memories still uncomfortable for him. "Honor? It was not I that was originally sent to destroy this planet. That was Kakarotto's duty. Yet, he comes to this Earth, and when we find him, he is good, kind, gentle, and he FREES ME!" 

  
  


The rage returned to his voice. "He frees me, and then takes my rightful place as a Super Saiya-jin. Then he forgives me! Of the three, his forgiveness was the worst."

  
  


Bulma walked up softly behind him. "Vegeta, what would you have preferred, to be Furiza?"

  
  


At this, Vegeta violently spun around, knocking Bulma to the floor. It was an accident, and Bulma knew it, but she wasn't sure Vegeta knew it. She watched as his eyes widened in horror for less than a second. He turned away quickly, as if realizing his mistake in showing too much of his emotions to her.

  
  


"You see!" Vegeta's voice was hoarse with rage and pain, long restrained. "I can't even speak openly with you, without hurting you! You are too frail to live with a Saiya-jin."

  
  


Bulma was now really scared that he was talking about leaving her, but she tried to laugh it off. "Come on, Vegeta! Goku and Chichi do just fine."

  
  


"I am not Kakarotto!" At this, the pain in his voice was set free. "I cannot forget as he can. I cannot pretend this place is my home like he can. I cannot shut out my father's face like he who does not remember his father. I cannot forgive as he can. He was first in everything, even you!"

  
  
  
  


He turned toward Bulma and the dark suspicion that flashed across his face, really made her afraid.

  
  


Bulma would have laughed had Vegeta not been in such an ugly mood. Considering, he had already knocked her to the floor she did not want to provoke him any further.

  
  


"Vegeta, you don't think that me and Goku . . . " 

  
  


"Didn't you?" A cold gleam came into his dark eyes--a dark suspicion, long repressed.

  
  


"Vegeta, get real, he was a little kid! He was a cute, little kid, but a kid all the same. You're letting this competition with Goku drive you insane. My first boyfriend was Yamcha, NOT Goku. Goku and Chichi were always items, more or less."

  
  


The pain in Vegeta's face momentarily lessened and he held out his arm to her. She thought he was offering to help her up, but when she took his arm, he pulled her up so suddenly she caught her breath. He pulled her up so high, her legs straddled his waist. He held her there, wrapping one arm around her buttocks, easily supporting her weight. The other arm he wrapped around her upper back and shoulders, fingers splayed upon the back of her neck.

  
  


He nuzzled his face into her throat and hissed in her ear. "Just remember who you belong to." 

  
  


Typical for Vegeta! She thought. An aggressive statement of ownership. Anyone else, she would have considered it threatening. Not Vegeta! If Vegeta had wished to be threatening, he would do far more than talk. No, for Vegeta, it was a statement of love. Yet, a very insecure possessive love, that Bulma found, somehow, endearing. They had been together all these years. The great Prince! Yet, he still felt insecure about his place with her.

  
  


Her reverie was interrupted by Vegeta holding her tighter. His mouth searched her throat more urgently as if he desperately wanted to take something from her he lacked. What was it? Love? Innocence? Forgiveness? Security? Absolution? She could feel his desperate need for her, even if he could never say it. She looked at his face out of the scant corner of her eye. His eyes were closed, eyelids fluttering slightly. His face, a momentary island of peace. Bulma knew it was the eye of a hurricane and the storms would brew, again, only too soon.

  
  


Bulma thought of all the years he grew up with hateful monsters like Furiza. A child with no comfort, no pity, and no security. Then it dawned on her that was what he envied.

  
  


"Vegeta you envy Goku, because he doesn't carry memories of Planet Vegeta and what happened, don't you? Because he grew up in with friends and loved ones. Because he doesn't have anything to forget or forgive." 

  
  


Vegeta's arms tightened around Bulma until she thought she would not be able to breathe as his mouth stopped searching. She could feel teeth, momentarily, run over her neck and his body shuddered as he drew away. 

  
  


"Why fate had the son of a low level warrior grow up in paradise while the Prince of all Saiya-jin grows up in hell?" Vegeta chuckled low in his throat and his voice was thick with bitterness. 

  
  


He walked over, plopping her gently down on the bed. "I suppose the irony hasn't been lost on me." 

  
  


He walked away returning to the window to stare at the moon again. What was he looking for in the moon? 

  
  


Vegeta spoke low as if to himself. "Sometimes, I wish I could just be free."

  
  


This was like a stab in the heart to Bulma. "Free of me?" She asked, not being able to keep the hurt from her voice.

  
  


"NO!" Vegeta marched over to the bed getting within inches of Bulma's face. "To be free of me! When I could become the oozuru, at least, I could be momentarily free. It doesn't feel anything but rage and power. No obligations, no honor, no pity . . . "

  
  


"No pain?" Bulma suggested.

  
  


Vegeta drew back and looked at Bulma shocked. "You understand only too well, don't you?" Vegeta returned to his reverie of the moon. "That is one thing about you. You can see me so well, sometimes it scares me."

  
  


"Why would that scare you?" Bulma did her best to hold back the tears. "Don't you want someone that understands you?"

  
  


Vegeta never took his eyes off the moon. "There are things about me you would not want to know, and if you did, you would not love me."

  
  


So the fear was out in the open. Bulma sighed exasperated. How could he live with her all these years yet trust her so little? Was he that afraid if she knew more about his past, she would leave him? Was he that afraid to be hurt that he walled parts of himself off from her?

  
  


"So, you think I love only a lie and not the real you?" She sighed again. "Vegeta I have seen you in passionate love, in rages, in sickness, in madness . . . " Now it was her turn to stalk over and put her face near his. "I saw you kill nearly a hundred innocent people . . . " 

  
  


Vegeta flinched.

  
  


"I don't think there is anything I haven't seen, Vegeta, and I still love you." Bulma walked over and dropped down on the bed again. 

  
  


"Forgive yourself, Vegeta," she pleaded. "I have. Everyone else has. You are not the walled fortress you imagine yourself to be. I understand. Everyone understands. You don't have to hide anything."

  
  


Bulma cursed herself even as she said the words. She knew it was the wrong thing to say, but the heart was never the perfect diplomat-especially with a warrior. Vegeta turned toward her as his face contorted into the ugly fury of an enraged animal 

  
  


"Pity!" He cried. "Not just forgiveness, but pity! And I didn't think it could get worse."

  
  


"What can be so wrong with pity? With any emotion that's close to kindness?" Bulma now let her tears free. "Why must the only emotion allowed be anger?"

  
  


"I don't need anyone's pity." Vegeta crossed his arms. The muscles in his arms bulged as if he struggled to hold something inside that was also straining to be set free.

  
  


"I don't pity you, Vegeta." Bulma sighed again. "I worship you. Can't you see that?" 

  
  


Vegeta laughed and shut the shade, blocking out the moon.

  
  


"A strange choice for a god." Vegeta said, sounding genuinely amused.

  
  


"Not THAT kind of worship, Vegeta." As Vegeta's amusement infected her as well.

  
  


Vegeta, with no effort, launched himself from the window landing in the bed with a bounce. He would have bounced Bulma right out, if he hadn't entangled her in his limbs as he landed. There was an old familiar growl low in his throat, but it wasn't anger. Bulma knew this growl very well, and she smiled knowing the storm had broken, once again.

  
  


"You know how I feel about your boots in the bed." She teased.

  
  


Vegeta chuckled low in his throat. "So why don't you take them off me."

  
  


Bulma smiled. "Work all day and then you expect me to be some kind of geisha for you at night. I like this!"

  
  


"Of course you like it." Vegeta smiled smugly. "Or you wouldn't have married me." 

  
  


He extended a booted toe playfully as Bulma sighed and tugged at the boot. Without warning, she quickly moved her hands up his leg as Vegeta took in a sharp breath. 

  
  


"Now who wants those boots off real bad?" She said as she playfully stroked his inner thigh. 

  
  


Vegeta stiffened with excitement and his words came in a hiss. "Someone needs to teach you your place, woman!" 

  
  


He smirked as he said it and quickly shuffled off the boots along with his clothes faster than Bulma thought possible. 

  
  


He grabbed her and turned her on her back. "This is where you belong. Under me!" Vegeta flashed her a wicked smile.

  
  


Vegeta lay down on top of her. Bulma closed her eyes. She didn't see him look back at the window, and the obscured moon, with a momentary look of pain and regret. Then he turned toward the sun of his world, and let her passions burn the moon out of his mind-at least for the night.


End file.
